What I've done...

In the past few hours:

Ate two chicken soft tacos: the breakfast of champions.

Been shamefully entertained by Hungover Owls.

Contemplated working. Couldn’t seal the deal.

In the past few days:

Watched Body Heat. Was first bored, then thought after all was said and done, it was pretty entertaining. Was completely impressed with how great Kathleen Turner’s body looked, how young and not-so-creepy Mickey Rourke looked, and how well Ted Danson could dance.

Went to a birthday dinner for an ex-boyfriend. He sat next to me, and on the other side of him was another of his ex-girlfriends. Found the coincidence a little entertaining, and my amusement served to diffuse the minute amount of awkwardness I started to feel when I realized that we were paired up, due to the amount of people present and the seating arrangements.

Went to a costume party. Didn’t dress as anything but wore a nametag that said “Kevin”* thanks to my friend, the birthday girl. Saw Lady Gaga, Hello Kitty, Jack of Jack in the Box fame, Michael Jackson, Yoshi, and someone that went as Biff Tanner but didn’t realize it.

Went to a birthday party for a friend’s baby. Bought birthday girl cute clothes, including little denim leggings that looked like skinny jeans. Now is the time for her to wear things like this and not get made fun of.** Failed to accurately identify 95% of most country’s flags during a flag-game. Watched kids hit Piñata with limited success. Remembered I hate Piñatas. Held my friend’s giant adorable sumo-wrestler baby. Didn’t drop the baby. Felt good about not dropping the baby. Ate too much food. Felt sick. Went home and watched Back to the Future. Got lost in Michael J. Fox’s eyes for a little while. Contemplated who I’d pick if I had to choose between Michael J. Fox and Jason Bateman. Decided I didn’t like that game and quit because saying no to either felt wrong.

Read more from a book I’m reading by my favorite author. Found out that the Irish Gaelic language has no equivalent of the English “yes” or “no” and the closest thing would be something like, “This is so” or “I think not”. Have some doubts about this, but nevertheless found it hilarious. Spent the next ten minutes or so imagining how life would be if we spoke like that.

Me, to boyfriend: “Would you like me to make dinner tonight?”
Boyfriend: “I think not. Would you like to go out instead?”
Me: “This is so. Have you tried the new Thai place?”
Boyfriend: “I think not. Have you been? Is it good?”
Me: “This is so, I went there a fortnight ago. I think not and this is so. It was okay. Would you like to try it?”
Boyfriend: “This is so. Are you paying?”
Me: “I think not.”


Fell asleep. Had some crazy dreams. Lacking evidence to the contrary, decided the Hot Pocket I had for my late dinner was to blame. Decided in the future I will not have Hot Pockets before I go to bed.




*I didn’t dress as anything, but not because I am not awesome and incapable of coming up with great ideas. I was quite keen on going as a giant toothbrush, but it was part of a group-act and my teammates didn’t follow through. “Kevin” is, to my understanding, basically a creepy human Gollum-person that roams the streets of Iraq looking for candy. At the time I didn’t think this was a commentary on my appearance but I now have my doubts. I should clarify that not all Kevin’s are creepy human Gollum-persons that roam the streets of Iraq looking for candy, either. Just the one.

**By me. Sorry, but I have yet to see anyone that isn’t gainfully employed as a model or beautiful actress look good in skinny jeans. And I have some great-looking friends. If you’re thinking, “But wait- I look good in my skinny jeans, don’t I?”, the answer is most likely “no”. Don’t feel bad, just go put on pants that don’t make you look like you’re angst-ridden and desperately seeking validation. If you are a man asking that question, proceed straight to slapping yourself.