Just stay out of my box

The mail and I have a contentious relationship.  When I am expecting something or looking forward with delight to receiving something, I check every day.  When I am making a stab at being something close to resembling "responsible" and especially if I think I owe people money, I check every day.  You know what I get?  I get junk mail.  Lots and lots of junk mail.  To the people sending me this trash: you are hurting the planet and wasting your time.  Sure, I recycle, but honestly this whole cycle seems like a giant waste of time and effort.  If I wanted information, I would ask.  Don't invade my mailbox with your drivel.  Even when the paper is recycled, (that of which can be, of course) there is at least a small amount of waste, and furthermore, the methods employed to recycle said material have to emit some amount of pollution, so you've still needlessly kicked Mother Nature in the crotch.  Solution: keep it out of my box.  (Not a euphemism.) 

Frustrated by all of this and having no way other options (because I am too lazy to seek them), I become less than religious about checking the mail.  I checked just often enough to not default on the bills I finally received (correction: just enough to not have services shut off, possessions repossessed, etc.), and the few visits were not enough to annoy me.  I still had a small mountain of rubbish to go through to reach the important stuff, but one trip to the recycle bin was better than 30.  The US Postal service laid a very severe blow to my plan, though, and without any consultation of any sort, single-handedly decided to stop delivering any mail to me!  Admittedly, I had scaled back to a once-a-month check.  But still!  I didn't move!  I didn't die!  For fuck's sake.  So now, after getting services restarted and assuring my creditors that no, I had in fact *not* skipped the country, I check more often, and as a result, am disappointed more often.  "Oh," I'll think, "did I get a card or a letter today?!"  No. I received a Penny Saver, advertisements from all of the seven closest grocery stores, and coupons to three "new" pizza places that I've been receiving coupons from for the last two years.  That check that was supposed to be coming my way?  Still missing. 

It's the same way with email.  My work email is a different story, but my personal email I check perhaps once a month, normally.  I do this because my inbox has been repeated violated by the unwanted advances of spam and a million mailing lists I never asked to be on or associated with.  I try to fight back but there are just SO many.  Now, when I get a personal email, I read it and respond long after the timeframe in which it would have made sense.  I look a bit like a jerk. 

I guess my real issue isn't the mail at all.  My issue is with people clouding up the things that are important to me with their barrage of requests that I give them my money or "like" their cause or appreciate the next trend or contact them for...stuff?  Services?  *sigh*  I just wish they'd all stay out of my box. 

Dinner and What I Don't Get

Last night I was forced to make dinner for myself.  I know, ridiculous, right?  Whateves.  I guess eating at home by myself once in a while won't kill me.  Unless I accidentally make my food with expired chicken or salmonella-laced spinach or chlamydia-infested turkey or something.  Then it might kill me, I guess.  Or at least necessitate the use of strong anti- or pro-biotics.  But that's neither here nor there. 

Last night I experimented with food.  Ingredients:

Onions
Tomatoes
Broccolini
Chopped Garlic
Olive Oil

Throw in pan and cook away until it looks like it's about to burn or get soggy.  Add:

Trader Joe's chicken sausage with sundried tomatoes and basil
Fresh Romano Cheese
A tiny bit of Brie Cheese because the Provolone Cheese you thought you could use has succumbed to total mold-idity and you were munching on Brie and Wheat Thins anyway

Put everything on an oven-baked flatbread wrap thingy.  Put baby carrots with Mediterranean Hummus on the side.  Consume.

Result: Deliciousness. 

Perhaps others would not appreciate it, but I sure as hell did.  It perfectly complimented my The Adventures of Pete and Pete, Season Two, Episodes 2-4 dinnermate.  My boyfriend gets scared when I list off ingredients that I think I want to throw together.  This may be because he actually knows how to cook, and he does it very well.  Well, I don't have the training, so sometimes I throw a bunch of stuff against a wall and see what sticks.  I think that's a metaphor, because it certainly isn't literal.  I don't care how hard times have gotten, I won't use the wall for a plate.  I'd likely use my hand first, or perhaps some sort of plastic bag.  In any case, I'd like to think I'd be more resourceful than using the dang wall.  Wait, what was I talking about?

Anyway, we're moving on to "Things I Don't Get".  There are a great many things that are very popular or acclaimed that I simply just don't "get".  This segment could also be entitled "I'm not feelin' it":

Dexter: I know people love this show.  And I get that the plot of the show is original.  I just don't think it's done well.  I've watched 5 or 6 episodes now and I'm done.  I could go on and on about the additional reasons why this is on the list, but I'll spare you.  Just know I'm not a fan.

Twilight: The book series.  I've read three out of four.  I know- I have come this far, I may as well finish the series.  "But the last one is the best one!"  No!  No!  No!  I was hoodwinked for three out of four and I won't make the same mistake frice (twice, thrice, frice).  I simply don't have the patience or energy.  The books do not bring me pleasure.  I think the "protagonist" is annoying and a piss-poor example for little girls everywhere to look up to, let alone mature graduate female students.  I also think the books were poorly written, but kudos to the author for making more money off of these than I'll come close to in three lifetimes.  I can't speak for the movies, because I only saw one.  I can say that I find the actress that plays Bella to be an unfortunate choice.  When I say that, I'm holding my tongue.  Those around me know my feelings about this actress and her "range".  She makes me want to pull my unwashed hair back from my face in emo-angst.  Uhhhhhh...

Rihanna: She's a pretty girl, and I've heard songs where her voice sounds nice.  But you'll have to pardon me if I offend burros world-wide when I say I think she sounds like a donkey.  I don't mean she sounds uneducated or crass- I mean she literally sounds like a braying donkey to me when she sings.  I may have felt differently about her if I didn't hear her on the radio twelve times a day everyday, during the two hours I'm in my car.  But the radio stations have made good on their unspoken promise to shove popular music so far up my ass that I hate it all and suffer from musical constipation.  So kudos to Rihanna for also making a ton of money I'll never know, and for having nice skin.  But I'll pass on her music.

Until next time, take care, kids.  Annie loves you.