No koalas were harmed in the making of this blogpost. Wait- is "blogpost" two words or one? Does it matter since I'm fairly certain "blogpost"/"blog post" is not a real word? Can we make frivolous exceptions now that "LOL" is actually a word? All this, AND MORE! on the next episode of Anastasia Explains It All.

Here's to the Journey

Contradictions

I think everyone is a composite of contradiction.  We all have our desires, our needs, and often times they are confusing. 

Sometimes I feel alien, crazy, and like nobody understands me.  It can be isolating.  Then when someone says they think they’ve figured me out or are figuring me out, I feel indignation.  “F*** you!  You don’t know me!  Oh, like I’m so easy to figure out?  It’s so simple!  You know everything, huh?”  It’s ridiculous. 

I want men to be extremely attracted to me, but I am offended when women are objectified.  I want to be as sexy as a stripper but as classy as a First Lady.  I want people to find me intelligent and articulate, but not boring and nerdy.  I want to be passionate but not crazy, logical and objective but not aloof.  I want to be unique but relatable.  I want to be engaging and care-free with everyone, but have them realize I have feelings.  When I am emotional and upset, I want someone to care, but I am embarrassed if anyone notices.  I want to be funny and fun but not offensive or irresponsible.  I want to be serious but not a kill-joy.  I want my male friends to let me be a no-pressure buddy like one of the guys, but I want them to still think I’m hot.  Even if I can accept that not everyone will like me, I still think it’d be cool if they did.  But then I would worry that it meant I stood for nothing, or that people would find my presence overall inconsequential.  I don’t want to be neurotic but I couldn’t stand the thought of being brainless or vapid.  I want my opinions to be sought after and valued, but I want no responsibility for others’ decisions.  I want to be level-headed, fair and open to compromise but not wishy-washy and prone to be walked over.  I don’t want to need anything or anyone, but I want it all to be there if I want it.  And if I needed it, I wouldn’t want it to make me feel bad about that.  I want to be independent but nurturing.  I want to be a lover who can fight.  I want it all.

Maybe that’s the beautiful complexity of life.  At this microcosmic level it seems so chaotic, but when your view expands, it becomes much simpler.  We’re probably all very much alike.  Maybe we’re all walking beautiful disasters.  (Enter from stage left: all woodland creatures and two representatives from each and every race, ethnicity and religion...On 3 we all join hands and sing "We are the World".  One, Two, - wait, wait!  One, Two, and hold hands on Three?  Or One, Two, Three, THEN we hold hands?  Oh for fuck's sake.  We go One, Two, hold hands on Three, and then sing.  Amateurs.  Ready...ACTION!)

R.I.P. Knut

Farewell, sweet prince...

...we hardly knew ye.

Take these broken wings

Have you ever had this situation, where your friend is crestfallen and in a bad space…and all you can think of to say is, “Wow, that sucks.  Sorry, man,” and then later on think about sending them a link to Mr. Mister’s “Broken Wings”, as if that will make them feel better?  Yeah, that about says it all…

“Take these broken wings

And learn to fly again, learn to live so free

When we hear the voices sing

The book of love will open up and let us in

Take these broken wings”

I can’t be the only one that thinks 80’s music solves most of life’s problems, can I?  I mean, I hear Michael Jackson’s “We are here to change the world” and my whole day turns around.  Maybe I’ve seen Captain EO one too many times but I think that shit is life-changing. 

Oh, well.  I really do hope my friend feels better.  Maybe I’ll draw him a picture.

When my spirit explodes...



...there will apparently be a lot of blue bubbles. 

 
Have you ever had moments where you felt completely free?  Like you had an explosion of peace because you realized that all the limitations you feel, most of the frustrations, don't really exist?  Some days I have incredible moments of revelation where I see that most of the things that bother me in life are inconsequential- not that nothing matters, (I haven't become a Nihilist), just that what can't be changed can simply not be changed and isn't worth worrying about, and the things that I feel hold me back aren't really there.  I can pretty much do anything!  If I want to dress bonkers on the weekend, or speak with an accent, or paint a picture, or go on a bike ride, or travel to Mexico, or write a book or plant a garden...all can be done.  If I don't like my hair color, I can change it.  If I want to travel the world, with just a little planning, it can be done.  Feeling like possibility is limitless is one of the best, most pure, exhilarating feelings ever.  It's like the adrenaline experienced during a roller coaster ride and that "a-ha!" moment when you've solved a mystery or figured out a movie twist before it's revealed, combined.  It's like this giant "It's OKAY" feeling descends, and you kind of just feel like your wrongs are forgiven and Life is a giant present with a big bow, waiting for you to open.  I don't think I'm doing a good job describing it, but I think the best word to encapsulate this feeling is Freedom.  And it rocks. 

Whatever it is, I hope all of you experience it. 

And PS I promise I'm not crazy...yet.