Just in case you were not previously aware, social and communication skills are passé. No longer is face to face or even phone conversation preferred- it isn’t even necessary. If you like a girl, text her flirtatious and borderline obscene things until she succumbs to your virility, reads your mind and understands you "like" her, and takes the chance that she may be a passing fling and goes on a date with you. Success! If you are hurting inside, post a Myspace or Facebook “woe is me” headline. Example: “Why won’t anyone listen to me? I just want to scream!” Or for the super-personal but vague communication lovers: “My hart (sic) is bleeding and I feel like I want to die. F*&# Men!” This will surely alert people to your pain and prompt immediate and personal responses that guarantee you will feel better: “I know! Some people suck!” or “Girl, I hear ya, men is worthless! Don’t even worry about them just do your thing they’ll get theirs, amen!” Success! If you are mad at a friend, teach them a lesson by “unfriending” them on your social networks. That will show them! Don’t talk to them about why you are upset- this will only open the door for a time consuming discussion about what really happened and how it can be amicably resolved. By one swift click of your mouse, you can show them just how upset you are: you are mad and can no longer be friends. Of course, this may also open the door to groveling and penance from your friend to be graciously accepted back into your social circle. In other words, success!
Also something to be aware of: spelling and grammar have lost their importance. Nobody cares what the difference between a comma and a semi-colon is, or the difference between their, there, and they’re! Who cares if educated people think you sound like an idiot- they get the point! They’re just being elitist!
All of these types of messages (and more!) are acceptable:
“U seen Blck Swn yet? I liked it alot.”
“Id just assume go to wendys as del
“Ur
“Yo member me? We met 3 wks ago at Seans house n u said I was hot.”
And remember- a picture is worth a thousand words! Why write something out when you can send a picture that communicates everything? Don’t write to the girl you met in the bar- send her a picture of you on a jet ski in a pool! If she doesn’t respond, hit her with a “YO!” text- she’ll have all she needs to understand you. You’re already well on your way to bliss. If you thought that girl you met was cute, don’t waste time with words, send her a nude photo! You’ve made her day!
Remember, understanding social cues and being able to properly communicate are overrated skills that are wholly unnecessary! Now, quit wasting time that could be better spent on illegally downloading songs and playing video games and shopping for, like, totally cool stuff!
This Public Service Announcement was funded by The Idiots That Are Slowly Taking Over the World Because Nobody Calls Them Out On It.
