Just stop it already

I appreciate the diversity the world has to offer, and I realize it is our differences that makes the world an interesting, exciting place.  However, I also realize that part of my uniqueness as an individual is that I possess my own opinions about a variety of things, and I currently have a forum to share those with the world.  It is in that light, I bring to you: Just stop it already. 

Glee – I’ve never seen this show, but my disinterest is confirmed when I hear re-caps on the radio or in conversations between friends.  Nothing about this show sounds appealing to me.  In a re-cap this week I heard a clip wherein a cast member befouled a Beatles song and somebody had a grilled-cheese-God sandwich.  Just stop.

Shows about teen parents – Why in god’s name is this so fashionable lately?  Look, people, I’m not worried about those of you that watch these shows, lament the poor decisions that were evidently made, and move along in your responsible lives.  I’m worried about the dip shit youth that see that these young people are famous because of these piss-poor decisions and instead of learning from others’ mistakes, they glamorize those peoples’ lives and seek out to imitate them.  Question: How many teenage, unwed parents immediately benefit from their situation and lead happy, productive, fulfilling lives and would do absolutely everything the same if they had to do it all over again?  Answer: Not many.  If you’re one of those people that say you have no regrets and would do everything in your entire life the exact same way if you had a re-do, you’re likely either a Buddhist or a liar.

Instructions on voicemail – Does anyone in the entire world where cell phones are common not know how to leave a message these days?  I think not.  Just leave a message after the gawddamn beep.  If you need to be told that every time, perhaps you shouldn’t operate a phone.  Even my grandparents, who still fear if they use the internet at home their stocks and bank accounts will surely be hacked and stolen, know how to leave a message without instruction.  Just. Stop.

Texting entire conversations – For some reason, the mentality appears to be, why have a 3 minute simple conversation when instead I could have a 45 minute ambiguous text conversation, and still have unanswered questions later?  It’s just inefficient.    The amount of time it takes to think of something, type it out, and send it in no way can compete with the amount of time it takes to have a give and take live, audible conversation.  You are wasting my time.  You are wasting your time.  Both of us could be doing something far more productive, like writing a novel or jogging or researching lower intestinal disorders or something.  Stop (text, send).  It (text, send).  Already (text, send).

Real Housewives – Another show I have no desire to watch, because why in the world would I care about some older, rich, self-involved bitchy women?  If I want to watch a show about assholes, I’ll turn on Seinfeld or It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.  At least then I can rest in comfort knowing that their sometimes deplorable attitudes and acts are fictional, and I can pretend that most people are nice and compassionate.  I can laugh because I think, “Why, that’s absurd!  Nobody does that!”.  When it’s thrust in my face and presented as reality, I no longer have that option.  And it makes me sad.  A lot of reality television is like that.  Just stop.

Women having millions of kids – Your uterus asked me to please ask you to give it a rest.  Having shit loads of kids back in the day made sense- miscarriages, disease and famine were commonplace.  Having multiple kids was probably much like planting a garden- you throw a bunch of seeds out and hope a few grow to maturity.  If you had 12 babies, you were crossing your fingers that at least 7 would make it into adulthood.  These days we have better odds.  I have to ask, what are we trying to accomplish by having this many kids?  Yes, you love them all.  Yes, God said to go forth and multiply.  That’s all very admirable and special.  I just don’t want you to feel like you have to pick up the slack for others, because just so you’re aware, the population is going strong.  It’s not so much looking like the human race is going to die out anytime soon.  It’s okay to stop.